Oh my GOD don’t let this be true. Please Lord God in heaven almighty Matsuzaka don’t let this be true.
We’re talking about Jim Dolan here. Jimmy freakin' Dolan. Jimmy Mr. “I’ll-never-live-up-to-my-father’s-media-baron-reputation-so-I-decided-to-ruin-the-Knicks” Dolan. What’s next? Putting Jim Bowden in charge of the team? Signing five swing-first shortstops and playing them all over the field? Paying a king’s ransom to bring in Tony LaRussa, and then firing him after a disastrous first season? There is no other baseball-basketball equivalent. The Steinbrenners took a broken Yankees franchise, and made it into the international brand-entity for excellence in sport. For all their faults, George and Co. made quantum leaps in the fields of satellite broadcasting and pacific-rim scouting, and were the prime examples for the rest of baseball to follow.
Dolan is the guy who turned Madison Square Garden from the Mecca of basketball and the most famous arena in the world into a laughing stock. This is the guy who took one of the great franchises in NBA history and turned it into an abominable alter to the festering sore that is the 2007 NBA. Eddie Curry has a heart condition damnit! And you gave away this year’s lottery pick to get him?? Jesus!! I can’t even grasp the immeasurable stupidity of even considering selling the team to this SOB. It’s like giving your sainted grandfather’s life’s work to crack-addicted cousin, and then knowing he would snort it all away. Or smoke it all away. Or shoot it all away, I don’t give a crap, I don’t smoke crack.
I am saying it right here and right now, if the Yankees sell their team to Jimmy Dolan and his band of cronies, the fall of freaking Rome will pale in comparison to the twisted spectacle of failure that will inevitably result. Why don’t you just give the city to the Mets? I’ll be great, we’ll have white 13 year olds from the upper west side shout “Viva Los Mets!” while their yuppie parents stand agape in abject horror. How about we just dig up monument park, and replace the shrines with giant stone dildos? We can have little numbers for them too, right on the helmet. It’ll be a fitting testament to how the New York fan has been anally-violated by these godforsaken kleptocrats.
Just for kicks, let’s throw out some owners that would absolutely be better than Jimmy Dolan.
The long days of Yankee greatness past will have reached their apogee. If Dolan gets a handle on the Yankees, the team’s future will immediately collapse at terminal velocity. I’ll give it five games. George and company, if you have any respect, or decency, or appreciation for the fans of the New York Yankees who have supported your crap for YEARS, please for the love of all that is right in the world, DO NOT sell the Yankees to little Jimmy Dolan. I won’t sleep until this story is killed.
UPDATE: According to the MLB Fanhouse, the story is dead. Hallelujah.